A friend who read my last post popped over today to have a chat.
“You’re not very complete,” he said to me. “You have more possessions than you summed up in your post. Yes, you don’t have many clothes, I agree, but I know for a fact that you have an electric toothbrush and lots of other stuff in your bathroom that you didn’t mention in your post. You have a handbag, and if I remember correctly, there is a Louis Vuitton cigarette case in your bag. You also have your cardboard altar with pictures of the Dalai Lama and other lamas and you also have an expensive umbrella with a wooden handle. I always see you walking around with your umbrella. You didn’t mention the fact that you have a passport that is nicely covered by a Louis Vuitton Passport cover. You have a very expensive pig-hair hairbrush. No mention of that in your post. And then you say you….”
“Okay, stop it! Did you come all the way over to my home to tell me that I actually have a few more things that wouldn’t even fill up a shoe box?”
“No, I wanted to return your 16GB Flash drive. I downloaded a few films for you to watch. Oh, by the way, you neither mentioned that you own five 16GB flash drives, each costing 600 baht. You didn’t mention your Sanyo digital camera either. You didn’t mention all that painting stuff you have; bamboo brushes, gouache paint, paper.”
I stared at him.
“Okay, you’re right. I wasn’t complete. I also own a bowler hat that I didn’t mention either. This is such a stupid conversation. Okay, I own a few things more than I came up with yesterday. I also didn’t mention my collection of vibrators! I am so sorry. But I still think I don’t own more than 25 kg. Did you know that when I owned a river-front duplex penthouse condominium in the Netherlands, I owned more than 100 cubic metres of possessions; designer furniture, walk-in closet with 3 metres of clothes, two cars, one of which was an exclusive red sports car, a waterbed and lots more. I have come a long way since then, don’t you think? By the way, are you still enjoying your new Bentley?”
“No, somebody scratched the door with a scooter.”
“That’s what I mean. I never have to worry about scratches on vehicles that I don’t own. By the way, I received this strange request two days ago. The editor-in-chief of a major magazine in the Netherlands contacted me. They wanted to do an article on transsexuals. They wanted to make a photodocumentary of five Dutch transsexuals and interview them about their fashion sense, what they like to wear et cetera. I answered them that fashion didn’t apply to someone like me, a yogini, and that my life is all about absence of fashion. I told them I wear a habit during the day. I also wonder why people think that transsexuals are only interested in their looks? I think those people still confuse us with transvestites or drag queens.”
“Ignorance, I guess, Pantau. By the way, why do you think people feel the need to buy stuff that they don’t need?”
“Like your Bentley? Are you able to pick up more lovers with you Bentley? Why do people like you buy a new pair of shoes every week, or why do they buy new clothes while there are still new items with labels hanging in their closet? I think they buy stuff because when you treat yourself to something new you feel a little happier, less lonely, less sad, less dissatisfied. Every time a lover leaves you, you go out shopping and spend more money than I do in a year. Maybe people like you also buy stuff to impress other people. Or both. It can feel good to go out shopping, buy something new, come home and play with it for a while, but the joy doesn’t last very long, does it? You always worry about your car. In India I came to understand that material things don’t make me happy. My electric toothbrush is very practical, so are my other rechargeable vibrating devices.”
“Okay. I get you. So tell me about your bowler hat. Somebody told me it was a magic hat.”
“Yes, it is. My hat means a lot to me. It has a lot of history. I will tell you all about it. It’s quite a story….”
To be continued.
“You’re not very complete,” he said to me. “You have more possessions than you summed up in your post. Yes, you don’t have many clothes, I agree, but I know for a fact that you have an electric toothbrush and lots of other stuff in your bathroom that you didn’t mention in your post. You have a handbag, and if I remember correctly, there is a Louis Vuitton cigarette case in your bag. You also have your cardboard altar with pictures of the Dalai Lama and other lamas and you also have an expensive umbrella with a wooden handle. I always see you walking around with your umbrella. You didn’t mention the fact that you have a passport that is nicely covered by a Louis Vuitton Passport cover. You have a very expensive pig-hair hairbrush. No mention of that in your post. And then you say you….”
“Okay, stop it! Did you come all the way over to my home to tell me that I actually have a few more things that wouldn’t even fill up a shoe box?”
“No, I wanted to return your 16GB Flash drive. I downloaded a few films for you to watch. Oh, by the way, you neither mentioned that you own five 16GB flash drives, each costing 600 baht. You didn’t mention your Sanyo digital camera either. You didn’t mention all that painting stuff you have; bamboo brushes, gouache paint, paper.”
I stared at him.
“Okay, you’re right. I wasn’t complete. I also own a bowler hat that I didn’t mention either. This is such a stupid conversation. Okay, I own a few things more than I came up with yesterday. I also didn’t mention my collection of vibrators! I am so sorry. But I still think I don’t own more than 25 kg. Did you know that when I owned a river-front duplex penthouse condominium in the Netherlands, I owned more than 100 cubic metres of possessions; designer furniture, walk-in closet with 3 metres of clothes, two cars, one of which was an exclusive red sports car, a waterbed and lots more. I have come a long way since then, don’t you think? By the way, are you still enjoying your new Bentley?”
“No, somebody scratched the door with a scooter.”
“That’s what I mean. I never have to worry about scratches on vehicles that I don’t own. By the way, I received this strange request two days ago. The editor-in-chief of a major magazine in the Netherlands contacted me. They wanted to do an article on transsexuals. They wanted to make a photodocumentary of five Dutch transsexuals and interview them about their fashion sense, what they like to wear et cetera. I answered them that fashion didn’t apply to someone like me, a yogini, and that my life is all about absence of fashion. I told them I wear a habit during the day. I also wonder why people think that transsexuals are only interested in their looks? I think those people still confuse us with transvestites or drag queens.”
“Ignorance, I guess, Pantau. By the way, why do you think people feel the need to buy stuff that they don’t need?”
“Like your Bentley? Are you able to pick up more lovers with you Bentley? Why do people like you buy a new pair of shoes every week, or why do they buy new clothes while there are still new items with labels hanging in their closet? I think they buy stuff because when you treat yourself to something new you feel a little happier, less lonely, less sad, less dissatisfied. Every time a lover leaves you, you go out shopping and spend more money than I do in a year. Maybe people like you also buy stuff to impress other people. Or both. It can feel good to go out shopping, buy something new, come home and play with it for a while, but the joy doesn’t last very long, does it? You always worry about your car. In India I came to understand that material things don’t make me happy. My electric toothbrush is very practical, so are my other rechargeable vibrating devices.”
“Okay. I get you. So tell me about your bowler hat. Somebody told me it was a magic hat.”
“Yes, it is. My hat means a lot to me. It has a lot of history. I will tell you all about it. It’s quite a story….”
To be continued.
Posts
I think your friend was being a little bit overly nit-picky. I wouldn't fault you for not listing practical items.
ReplyDeleteTypical male gay bitch behaviour. We very close friends though.
ReplyDelete