THE LADIES CLUB

Put me on a stage in front of an audience of 10,000 and I will have a great time. I could entertain them for 3 hours without a script.

But today I did something I have never done before and I felt very nervous. I became a member of the PILC, and had my first meeting with this Pattaya’s International Ladies Club. We met on the top floor of a hotel which resembled a Caribbean cruise ship.

There were 80 ladies of different nationalities and they tend to get together a couple of times a month and organise all kinds of social activities. Most ladies have husbands who work in Pattaya and Jomtien and this is how they prevent themselves from feeling totally isolated, as most of them don’t speak Thai and most Thais don’t speak English, French, German, Dutch, Tibetan, Hindi, you name it.

There were two new members and I was one of them. So I was asked by the president to come to the microphone for an official introduction. The other new lady-member was very nervous when suddenly 7 photographers of the local press put their lenses on us. They were doing an article on the PILC. But if you’ve been on live TV before (as I have) this doesn’t really make me nervous. I was nervous about what kind of women I would meet.

I have 67 "friends" in Thailand and 62 of them are gay males, the other ones are straight. But I don’t have girlfriends. That is why I joined this club. I wanted to talk girl talk, not to my gays, but to women. There were conservative ladies, shy ladies, fun ladies, Indian ladies, even one Thai lady, many British and Australian ladies and two Dutch girls.

My first problem was: how do I call myself to these international ladies? Do I introduce myself by my official European name Veronique, or my European nickname Veertje (or Little Feather), or do I use my Tibetan name (Pantau), Chinese name Pantao or Tao), or Thai name Tao. I decided to use my Thai name, which is also a Chinese name. If pronounced correctly, it means Yin/Yang in Thai, and Peach in Chinese. If pronounced incorrectly in Thai, it means turtle. There is an island in the Thai Gulf called Koh Tao (Turtle Island).
To make a long story short; I had a good time. There were a bunch of ladies I could relate to and I even managed to sell a few of them my services as a yoga teacher and reiki master.
So I am looking forward to my next meeting and enjoy a cup of coffee, sandwiches and some small talk with 80 real women.

AT THE MOMENT OF COMMITMENT...

Dr. Sanguan and I.

Removal of a testicle.

Trachea shave.

And a late Korean lunch after surgery

Followed by a visit to the doctor's mansion.

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Finally, my photo film of my Phuket-trip has been developed and the photos have been printed. Yes, that does sound old-fashioned. I was just kidding. Since 2004 I use a digital camera and since Friday, I a own a new one, this one being a very fancy one, a little more professional than the other one. Things change fast. I told my mother that my first telephone apparatus had a circular dial instead of buttons. My mother told me that her first phone was owned by the telephone company and was located in a booth at the end of the street. It was made out of bakelite. Things change fast.

Last night I had a conversation about the workings of the matrix of the universe. Unlike in India, this doesn’t happen very often in Thailand. I was sitting in a café and met the neighbour of a friend with whom I had a coffee and a few beers. This elderly gentleman, Jack, had an out of body experience at age 20 and since then he believed in the paranormal, the supernatural, God, the universe, whatever.

So we spoke for hours, discussing J.W. Von Goethe who said or wrote that At the moment of commitment the universe conspires to assist you. My new friend disagreed with the word “commitment”. He said it should be “passionate”. I told him that: first of all: the quote may not even have been said by Goethe, and secondly, Goethe spoke German, or Swiss German. I said that perhaps the German quote would rather sound differently. I tried to Google it last night but can’t find the original German quote. I speak English, Dutch and German equally well and was eager to find Goethe’s original German quote.

I told my new friend, Jack, about my coincidental encounters. I posted a number of those wonderful stories in January and February. Jack had many stories to tell. I asked him why wouldn’t he write them down, as they were so inspirational. He said he hated writing, but loved reading. I told him, I hated reading but loved writing. The love for creating characters, making them alive and give them a story to experience… Apart from that, I love to entertain, teach and inspire people with my books.

So I told him one of my stories. It was during the monsoon season of 2004 in India. I had taken my jeep across the Himalayas to the remote valley of Ladakh and sat in small eatery with a friend. Next to me, there was a couple, trying to order a sandwich in English with a Dutch accent. I felt the need to interfere and advise them on Ladakhi sandwiches, as I was familiar with the menu and knew which were good. The man was surprised I spoke Dutch as he had heard me speaking British English with my British girlfriend. He told me that they had a life altering experiences. They read a book written by a woman from their hometown in the Netherlands. It had inspired them to give up their office jobs and open up an orangutan sanctuary in Indonesia. They were now travelling to Dharamsala, India to hopefully find the author of the book that inspired them to change their lives. She lived in Dharamsala, the hometown of the Dalai Lama and they wanted her to know about their story and thank her.
I asked them. “Is that author called Veronique Renard, also known as Pantau?”
“O my God. It’s you!!”
The man burst out in tears. He and his wife spent the day together with me talking about coincidental encounters.

Last week I was in Phuket. I had an encounter with my dear friend Doctor Sanguan (which was pre-arranged) who is a gender reassignment specialist. I actually gave him one idea regarding a different technique to create the introitus of a colovaginoplasty and I am not even a physician. Last week, I witnessed a few sex changes and a facelift. Here are some digital photos.

SING FIGHT WEEP PRAY LAUGH WORK AND ADMIRE

At the moment of passionate commitment, the entire universe conspires to assist you.

Whatever you desire, tell the universe about your dream. Sing it, fight for it, weep about it, pray for it, laugh about it, work for it and admire the wonders that are brought about by the universe.

Is this a marriage proposal?

Well, this doesn't need any explanation, I would say. I accomplished uploading a video for the first time in my life. And what a video it is.....

By the way, this is my good friend, Doctor Sanguan Kunaporn, one of the 4 top gender reassignment surgeons in Thailand. There are another 15, but he's way up there with Dr. Preecha, Suporn and Chettawut. He can create female genitals out of male genitals so beautifully, that any non-transsexual woman would wish they had had SRS with this man.

The Phuket Island Experience

Phuket Island

The first thing I did when I arrived on Phuket Island was going to one of the many Chinese temples in Phuket Town. Phuket has a large Chinese population and I love Chinese temples.
I took a bundle of insence sticks, held them above a flame to light them and stuck them in an ash bowl in front of a bunch of Chinese godly statues. I thought: what to pray for? So I prayed for the well-being of all sentient beings, I then prayed for a good and enjoyable 5 day stay on the island and then I prayed for good book sales. I also prayed for a Free Tibet and a long life for the Dalai Lama, one of my favourite prayers when I am in a Chinese temple.

Later that evening I received a message from my administrator John. He wrote to me that someone had put 3 copies of my book Pholomolo for sale on E-bay for the price of 30,67 USD per copy. Praise the Holy Lord and sorry for the ignorant people who purchase one such copy as you can buy them a lot cheaper via Amazon or any other retailer. Official list price is 24.98, but Amazon sometimes gives special discounts and you can by my book for 15 USD. I wonder why people would spend more on a copy of Pholomolo via E-Bay. Are they copies I have signed? I don’t know. The only thing I know is that book sales for May had increased by 100 per cent compared to April. So my prayers obviously work with retroactive effect too.

In addition, I prayed for my dear friend Chen Hao, who was the victim of a hit and run accident in Shenzhen, China. He was in coma for 9 days and needed facial reconstruction. He suffered memory loss and was in hospital for one month before he was able to return to Bangkok for further recovering. We both realize that such an experience is life altering and that he will not be the same person any more. Chen Hao is my dearest friend in Thailand; a man I love more than any other friend I have.

Chen Hao in Chinatown, Bangkok in 2008

Chen Hao and I in Shenzhen, China, in 2008

Chen Hao on my balcony in Bangkok

PHOTO GALLERY

My friend, photographer Cameron Wolf, decided to include me in his photo gallery in Bangkok.

All photos in this post are subject to copyright. It is prohibited to download these photos and display them on other websites.

It's strange to have photos of me in the nude for everyone to view who visits the gallery.

A colourful group of special girls visiting the gallery.

UNDERWEAR PARTY

Female Thai dancer in the centre with male dancers on the left and right.
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Last night I was invited to a private party of a friend of ours so I got myself in a taxi to the luxurious State Tower along the Chao Praya River that runs through Bangkok. As the party was dominated by gays, I met two British gay men who introduced themselves to me. They were on holiday in Thailand and knew the host of the party, an eccentric American who must have snorted half of Columbia’s export products up his nose during his lifetime as none of the words that tend to come from his mouth make any sense. He speaks so loud that I always think he has a megaphone in front of his mouth. His taste in music is…. Okay, I’ll stop here, as I want to stay positive. He does know how to throw a good party and when I get invited, my smile gets so big, it makes my ears bleed.

So the two holiday makers sat next to me and started asking me all kinds of questions before I was able to ask them anything.
“Sorry I’m late, I was in the middle of an absolutely gripping book, I couldn’t put it down,” I said.
“What book is that?”
“The second volume of my autobiography. Just kidding.”
“Okay.” They briefly glanced at each other with that “Strange Woman-expression” while frowning.
“So you work in Bangkok?”
“I am a writer?”
“Really, how jolly. So did you publish anything? What do you write about?”
“Yeah, my last two books were all about ME, and I did publish. Do you think someone can call himself a writer if they haven’t published anything?”
Silence.
“So what do you do?”
“I am a radio host in England. I host a programme on writers.”
“O, how jolly,” I responded in my best British accent.”
I wanted to ask the other holidaymaker about his job, but the next question was already being fired at me.
“What do you like about writing and how do you produce a book? Do you start at page one?”
“O dear! I am not very good at answering such questions in one sentence really?”
I didn’t lie about that. I can talk for hours on end about how I write a book. As none of my friends care about my job (as it is invisible until you’re done), I love it when people occasionally show interest in my work, especially my work process.
“I love research. It takes me to places I have never been to before and I get to meet people I would normally not meet. I love to write about stuff that interests me and takes me into a different world.”
I gestured around me to the people who were already in the process of getting rid of clothes items. On my left, the host was snorting a line of cocaine, while I could see some people getting feisty in the kitchen.
“I started my previous book by writing the first sentence of chapter 1, but normally I write like a film director/producer creates a film. There’s a story board and then they start shooting scenes randomly, depending on the weather or location et cetera. So they may shoot the end first and then some scene halfway, and perhaps the beginning at the end. That is how I normally write.”
“So you have the whole story already in your head before you start writing?”
“Most of it.”
The guy got his I-Phone, got to my website and checked out my books while we talked.
I had never seen an I-Phone before, so I started asking him questions about it. “How much?”
“Do you know Pounds?”
“No. How much in Baht?”
“About 25 thousand for an original and 7 thousand for a copy in Bangkok.”
“Twenty five. That’s half a facelift with an inexpensive physician in Bangkok. You see that guy overthere?”
“Yes.”
“That’s a plastic surgeon. He can make you look ten years younger for 100.000 Baht.” Okay, that was perhaps not the most flattering remark.
“So, great. Radio host, right. BBC?” I continued.
“Commercial Channel. Sky Radio. When you’re in England, would you like to come on our show?”
“Sure.” As if I am in England every month.
“You like poetry?” the guy asked.
“No. I hate poetry. Poets are not my cup of tea. I think they are just lazy writers.”
I turned to Mr. number 2. “What is it that you do. Radio too?”
“I am a poet.”
Foot in mouth.
“Just kidding. I work for BBC television.”
“I assume both of you are gay.”
“Yes, we are.”
“I thought so. This is a gay party after all.” I looked around me. By now, people were walking around in their underwear.
“So what are you doing here? Are you gay?” Mr 2. asked me.
“No, I like men. I got into the gay scene 2.5 years ago when I started carrying out research for my new fiction novel that is coming to me very, very slowly.”
“What’s it about?”
“Middle aged married Chinese gay military general with wife and gender dysphoric son who travels to Bangkok with his best friend, who is a Chinese gay surgeon that used to be his lover when they were teenagers.”
“Wow. So you’re checking out the Bangkok gay scene to observe gay life here?”
“Yeah. Look around you. Chinese, Thai, Koreans, Japanese, Americans, you British folks. This party is all research for me.”
“Hey, Tau,” the host yelled at me. “You want a line?”
“No, thank you. I don’t do that stuff.” I turned to Mr 1 and Mr 2. “The host's long and short term memory is gone and he forgets my ‘no-drinking and no-drugs policy’. I wrote my name on his wrist when I came in because he keeps referring to me as That Woman. He can’t remember my name.”
“I think writers are very interesting.”
“Thank you. I think Radio hosts are very interesting. Tell me all about it. By the way, what’s your name?”
“Michael. And this is my husband, Freddy.”
“Great to meet you. And I must say, what a lovely underwear you’re wearing. Quite difficult for you to talk to me, I guess when someone has his face in your groin. That is Khun Lek, by the way. He’s a Thai friend of mine and he loves westerners… as you are noticing right now.”
Michael and Freddy looked very happy.
“So this must be quite an interesting way of researching, right?”
“Yeah. Because this is not something I can really talk about to anyone, right? It’s not as if I can write a story about these experiences on my weblog. I used to be a nun.”
“Really.”
“How come?”
“Well, I used to live in the hometown of the Dalai Lama…” And I suddenly realised, I had to stop talking. “Guys, enjoy what you’re experiencing right now. I am going to fill up my glass with water in the kitchen. Have a great time. I am going to find some people who are still dressed and then I am off to a disco on Silom Soi 2. My husband and I love to dance. With most of our clothes on.”
The host looked at the name I had written on his arm. “Hey, Tau, you want a line?”
“No. Taxi.”

TIANANMEN SQUARE MASSACRE

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre, in China known by some people as the June 4th Incident.

When I met my friend Hao (23), who is a Chinese national working in Bangkok, I soon told him I was a free Tibet-activist. He didn’t understand why I thought Tibet was occupied by China. Tibet was a part of China and has always been a part of China, he claimed.
I told him the Sino-Tibeto history the way I knew it, and he got upset, he didn’t want to discuss this issue.
In Bangkok we often watch BBC World and CNN and he is able to see documentaries covering human rights issues in China. He gets upset. Why do westerners always try to put China in a bad light?
In Bangkok we can also receive Chinese television. Everything on CCTV on China is positive. Happy people living in a beautiful country. My friend thinks censorship is a good thing, because people get depressed if they see reality, if they see negativity.
He doesn’t want to hear about The Cultural Revolution, The Great Leap Forward that lead to the Great Famine that killed tens of millions of Chinese. He doesn’t want to hear that the People’s Liberation Army liberated Tibet from the Dalai Lama and killed more than 100.000 people in the process and another 1 million who perished during the Cultural Revolution and Great Famine. He doesn’t want to hear about Tiananmen Square.
China is good.
“Then why do you live in Bangkok?”
He just shrugged his shoulders.

I told him in Bangkok he can go on the internet and access any website he wants, including mine. I told him that both my website as well as my 4 weblogs are blocked in China and have been for years. Only with special byproxy servers and a lot of effort, people can access my website and weblog pages. Only one person from Mainland China was able to do so on 23 May. I told him China considers me a terrorist

I often wonder why many Chinese don’t want to hear the truth, especially when it concerns their own country and people. I always wondered why most people prefer to be in denial and remain ignorant. Hao and I never dicussed Chinese history ever again, nor my work and beliefs.

Today, students do not recognise the scene on the pictures of the famous Tank Man who stopped an entire tank column on the morning of June 5 near Tiananmen Square. They just don’t have any idea. When they Google Tiananmen Square in China, they only see beautiful photos that fit well in a tourist brochure. They are kept ignorant about the generation before them who fought for freedom of speech and democracy.
My friend Hao, once a university student himself has now access to every information on China he desires. But he desires not to know.

Also see Tank Man on my blog http://www.cutsleevecomrades.blogspot.com/, a scene from my book Comrades of the Cut Sleeve in which I describe the June 4 Incident and particularly the event that unfolded on Chang An Avenue on the morning of June 5.

THE DALAI LAMA VISITS THE NETHERLANDS

I am Dutch. I have a Dutch passport, issued to me by the Dutch ambassador in Bangkok. Today, I do not feel proud of my country and people. His Holiness the Dalai Lama has been invited to speak to Dutch audiences about Buddhism and therefore he will visit the Netherlands on June 4 and 5. It's been 10 years ago that His Holiness visited the Netherlands, thus hundreds of thousands of Buddhists in the Netherlands are happy to have him in their country again.

His visit to the Netherlands coincide with the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre and it has been over 60 years that Tibet has been annexed by China. Ten years ago, His Holiness was invited by the Dutch Prime Minister Mr Wim Kok who received His Holiness in his private office, but the current Prime Minister, Mr. Jan Peter Balkenende "doesn't feel the need to personally meet the Dalai Lama." The way Jan Peter spoke those words made me completely fall out of love with my country. His words gave me severe shplikes.

His Holiness giggled about being rejected by the Dutch PM, but I felt very frustrated. In my book Pantau in India I wrote that I am a social anarchist. Today, this feeling is stronger than ever. I have never voted for a politician in my life, and if Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende would visit Bangkok one day, and I would meet him during a party at the Embassy, I will put my Buddhist vows on hold for a few seconds and slap him in the face and tell him that he is a very, very bad boy. (Okay that is not good Buddhist behaviour but sometimes bad boys need a good punch in the face). I wouldn't mind if I would go to prison for that for a few weeks. It will be worth it!

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Jan Peter, I address this to you personally: grow up, be strong, don't let the big boys bully you and get some lasik eye surgery and a different haircut because you look too much like Harry Potter, but without any power. You're just a puppet, kowtowing to Beijing. Not good!

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It's unheard of in Buddhist societies to put a book on the floor or a precious document. Today I decided to put my Dutch passport on the floor next to my toilet, and it will stay there for the next two days. It's my way of expressing my disappointment in the Dutch government who allows the Chinese government to put pressure on them. Today, I feel highly embarrassed to be Dutch.

There was a time that the Republic of the Netherlands ruled half of the world. Now the Kingdom of the Netherlands is no more than a province of China.

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I always agree with His Holiness and his views on genuine autonomy for Tibet, and I also agree with the young generation of Tibetans who desire complete independence. So today I wish His Holiness a good time in the Netherlands, and pray together with the young Tibetan freedom fighters in India and Nepal, and around the world, for a Free Tibet. Pho Rangzen (Free Tibet).

20th ANNIVERSARY TIANANMEN SQUARE INCIDENT

What started as a peaceful pro-democracy demonstration on Tiananmen Square in Beijing, initiated by a number of student leaders, ended in a blood bath. During and after the demonstration, the authorities attempted to arrest and prosecute the student leaders of the Chinese democracy movement, notably Wang Dan, Chai Ling, Zhao Changqing, Li Lu and Wuer Kaixi. Wang Dan was arrested, convicted and sent to prison. Zhao was released after six months in prison. However, he was once again incarcerated for continuing to petition for political reform in China. Li Lu escaped to the USA. Wuer Kaixi escaped to Taiwan. Chai Ling escaped to France, and then to the United States.

Today I pray for all those who have perished during the Tiananmen Square Massacre and honour those brave people who stood up for their belief in democracy and freedom of speech.

In my new book Comrades of the Cut Sleeve, I address the June 4 Incident from the perpective of the army. Chapter 29 decribes the so called Tank Man-scene on June 5.

Click here to read the chapter. http://cutsleevecomrades.blogspot.com/